Dist-sama's Revenge Diary!
Why I am not a Rose, but a Death God!!
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circa ND1982
Title: Ultra Super Hyper High-Grade Fonic Technologist!
I, the elegant Dist the Rose, shall grace you unworthy savages with my gorgeous presence!
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Welcome to my Revenge Journal, curious one. Read 'em and weep, hahaha! That means you, Jade!
6th-Jul-2007 04:27 pm - Would this be a "push back" or a "shove forth"?
soubi - pedo licky
WHY IS IT TODAY THAT I FEEL SO VERY OLD...?

I just came home from visiting my friend [info]facklemuffin and of course, I was left alone with my thoughts. I'm now sort of stuck in a torrent of nostalgia. My old gaming memories gnaw at me even to this day it seems. I wish I could go back and relive it again. Hahaha.

So now I'm sitting here... and a new feeling has dawned upon me. What kind of feeling? I can't place a name to it now but... I do have to say: I've been doing things forever... and ever! You know it's been a while when you can recall things on the spot from over five years ago. What's strange is I can recall it all with such vivid detail!!

Now is the time I ponder: why? Why am I like this? Will I always be? Will things change? What will make it change?

...and it still seems that way to this very day.

However there may be a slight break in habitual preferences now. It is totally not voluntary though.

Today is just...a blur? It kind of feels like it ... huh. It just... feels weird. Almost everything I relied on having with me is gone now. I'm so close to feeling what it truly means to be alone now. What's left is this house and my family (for the sake of it all). When I do move... I...

With vagueness aside; I'm slowly working on my Barrelow prop today. I don't feel too enthusiastic today. Huh. I blame my reflectiveness for that. I mean... what's wrong with me? I always used to be so very enthusiastic. *sigh* MAYBE I SAW TOO MUCH IN ONE DAY?

I thought the sight of Tales of Fandom vol 2 would cheer me up. Well in all honesty it did... but now, I don't know. I can't play any game now without it freezing/lagging/not loading in general. I just feel sad about it all. I hate seeing things break but more importantly I hate things deteriorating right in front of me. I'm at a loss of what to do. I know I must eventually move on but still...

It's probably because I know my ps2 is on its' death bed. I've had you for so long! Argh!! I hate getting attached... it seems so silly since it's just a console... not a real person or anything. However it is DIFFERENT because this console has so much sentimental value. I received it as a present from my deceased mother so I do hold it very dear to me as I don't have a lot of physical items which reminds me of her. I've been gaming for so long though. That also must mean something.

So very long. The two people I've grown up with alongside gaming are gone. The last one just left recently-- that's my brother I'm talking about. He has moved out and along with his life. He doesn't play games any longer... and he even left his ps2 at home. :( I don't know. It just feels so weird. He used to play so many games too...

I've always felt gaming is one thing I will not outgrow, ever. So it's moments like these that make me question that...

Maybe I'm just... I don't know, co-dependent in a sense? Maybe I need to hang around my [gaming] friends more often or perhaps even look for other hobbies (whyyyy), some other things that will make me happy. Nevertheless there will always be a time and place that I'd want to be gaming... and for that notion, I know I'll never lose it. There's so many games out there I'd love to play. It's just all these uncanny obstacles drag me down then and again. I'm not even going to start on the topic of fanbases because that's just another can of worms.

Perhaps I may be at a crossroad of sorts. Something very important must force me to give it all up... if it must turn out like that. I also have the option of...following one of my dreams. To the gaming industry. It's something drastic, something difficult and something exciting altogether.

...that's thunder in the distance I hear now. It's probably a sign I should get moving on and wrap up this post. ^-^ I don't know about it all now in any certainty because NOTHING is ever certain. I do know I may need to learn how to relax again. Funny thing relaxation is...!
Dist and Jade had hawt angrysex on Jul 7th 2008, 8:39 am GMT!