Dist-sama's Revenge Diary!
Why I am not a Rose, but a Death God!!
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circa ND1982
Title: Ultra Super Hyper High-Grade Fonic Technologist!
I, the elegant Dist the Rose, shall grace you unworthy savages with my gorgeous presence!
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Welcome to my Revenge Journal, curious one. Read 'em and weep, hahaha! That means you, Jade!
30th-Nov-2007 11:28 am - Life's second punch.
sulk
Okay. I just got back from the surgeon. I have a tumor. A tumor. I started to smile when he talked about the standard procedure of examination- why was I smiling? What was I thinking, that this was all some joke?;;; Tears exploded from my eyes when the doctor said that word, tumor. I even wretched a bit, a wave of nausea spreading over me quickly. I spent a good deal of the ride home bawling my eyes out (which isn't very safe but what the fuck, leave me with my hysterics).

Tumor... what the fuck, that means my body's incapable of controlling its cell division. Wow, GOOD JOB, BODY. All they have left is to say I have cancer and I'm done with. Something from my biology class that stuck with me even to this day is the statistic of 1 in 4 people in America having cancer effect them in their lifetime. Ugh. I shouldn't be thinking that way but I am! Shame on me! It's not certain --- nothing is certain! Who knows how many more lumps I'll have?! Grrr! It's a good thing this one stayed the same size within a month's span. *sigh* I'm sorry but it's hard to be optimistic right now!;;; They can't tell if it's malignant or benign yet so YES I have to get it completely removed for a pathologist (...CLS!) to correctly look at it.

Either the 19th or the 20th of December will be my surgery. It's decidedly after exams. I didn't get to schedule it yet because honestly, do you expect me to be able to drive myself to and from surgery? No. So my dad is driving me and therefore scheduling it... but he teaches at three different institutes so it's a bit stressful because of his own finals he has to tend to. Ugh.

Yeah... so no biopsy needed- the surgeon said since it's all fatty tissue he has to get ALL of it out. I had a feeling I didn't need just a biopsy in the first place so I was kind of expecting for surgery anyway. I'm getting stitched up, too. I never had surgery nor stitches before. It's a DAMN GOOD thing the tumor's on my back because I do NOT WANT TO SEE IT WHEN THEY REMOVE IT (and to think I'm going into CLS-- is this going to change my idea of things now?). They are giving me local anesthesia-- so I'm going to be WIDE AWAKE when they're performing the surgery.

I wonder how I'm going to be before surgery. It's gonna be in the morning, too... the surgeon even prescribed me some Valium to sedate myself. I never had Valium and was never planning to have it. Ugh. I know I need it though, I'm going to fidget around like fuck (even when numb) if I'm not sedated.

CAN I HAVE A BREAK YET, PLEASE??? HELLO? DO YOU HEAR ME??;;;

I think I need some time alone to think... URI's very lonely so I can't confide in anyone there yet. I skipped out on my music class today (the only class) because frankly I do not feel like going. Then again being left alone-- that's very dangerous regarding my current state right now. I feel like utter shit. However, I'm glad I'm gonna see Matt tonight- it's his birthday today so we're celebrating. I don't want this "news" to dampen any fun. *sigh* So maybe for now I shouldn't be left alone. I need something other than my thoughts to keep me company. I need my friends...I need my ps2...I need my drawings of Jade and Dist, I need stuff that comforts me. I need happiness.
Dist and Jade had hawt angrysex on Jul 7th 2008, 8:39 am GMT!